Ok, parents. Let's have your best advice. Here's what's going on:
Evy falls asleep in our arms. We put her down in her crib. Within 5 minutes of being put down she is screaming bloody murder (she's fed and has a clean diaper). We let her cry it out for 20 minutes but at the end of 20 minutes she is still going strong. So, we go comfort her and she calms down immediately. But, when we leave the room the process starts all over again. It goes on like this for 2 hours before it's time for her to eat again. Last night after battling her from midnight to 4 a.m. I actually slept with her in my arms in a chair because she would scream the second I put her down and I was too exhausted to deal with it any longer.
Any suggestions on how to end this nightmare? This doesn't seem normal.
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- Emily
- I'm a career-oriented convert! After earning a masters degree and setting my sights on professional growth I gave it all up (mostly) for motherhood. For the two years I worked full time as a mother I constantly felt guilty that I was leaving my baby in daycare for 50 hours a week. Opportunity knocked and I requested a demotion that would allow me to stay home part-time. What a nice change of pace! I am a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee, and co-worker who now has a nice work-life balance. But, I still haven't figured out how to fit in regular exercise again. That might be an ongoing battle...
15 comments:
Okay Emily here goes. Its been a few years since I have had children but I do have some advice:) Have you considered giving her a bottle before bed. Before I get yelled at by all the breast feeding mothers out there I breast fed all 4 of my children and I agree the longer you can do this the better it is but if she isn't getting enough for whatever reason it might be part of the problem. It also would give your body parts a bit of a break. I know Richelle did this with her last one and it made all the difference in the world on his sleeping. I am not suggesting you not nurse but supplement at bedtime. This is just a thought and a little formula isn't going to hurt her at all. I worked for a pediatrician for 5 years and know that she had no qualms at all with giving formula to babies. You have to do what makes you feel the most comfortable though so the decision is totally yours. Just thought if you filled up that little tummy of hers you might get a break:) Nancy
Emily,
At right about two weeks, Matthew started doing almost the exact same thing. For him it was a combination of a growth spurt and a run of colic.
I was completed paranoid that he wasn't getting enough to eat because he wanted to feed so often. I ended up buying a digital baby scale and weighing him before and after each feed. Obviously, what went in him registered in ounces (or half ounces) on the scale. One problem we ran in to is that I would continuously feed to keep him consoled and he would overeat and then spit up. It seemed like a never ending cycle.
There were nights I put him in his swing to sleep, there were nights I put him in his Boppy to sleep, there were nights I slept with him on me (like you did). As adament as I was against co-sleeping, sometimes it was just what I needed to get a good night sleep and keep him happy. This time around, I bought an Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper to let the baby have it's own space but still have her feel that we're close to her. Obviously, I haven't been able to try it yet, but it gets great reviews.
As I stated it your previous post, you will make it through this. I shed many tears and got very frustrated. You will find what works best for you.
I hope you get more suggestions and some sleep soon!
Emily,
My son is now 4 months old and he did this same thing exactly until he was just about 12 weeks old. Exactly the same thing. When he was 12 weeks old we started putting him in his crib and letting him cry until he actually fell asleep. At the beginning when he first came home from the hospital we had a few nights where he cried from around 8pm until midnight, I too had to sleep with him in my arms. My husband and I would take shifts- he would stay up until 1:00 am and I would take the rest of it. There were many nights where our son would only sleep in our arms- we would often sit in front of the tv while he slept. We could only put him down in his crib to sleep when he was sound, sound asleep. Also- we started putting him in a bassinet type thing because he wouldn't sleep in his crib- and it helped a lot! you may want to try something like that to make her feel a little more protected and surrounded. Also maybe try a fan or a noise machine in her room. Good luck. The first few months were not easy for us, but they got so much better!!
By the way- This is Julie Bowen- my mom is Pat Ports who you met at Scott's grandma Mildred's funeral (my great aunt). I am really enjoying reading your blog and seeing your pictures!
Yep - sounds familiar! I did the same thing... I let her fall asleep in my arms. I know it's not safe or advised but during those first several weeks she ended up asleep in my arms almost every night and then I would fall asleep... having her right next to the bed in the bassinet helped because I could also roll over and lay my hand on her and fall asleep- I think having that human touch made her feel more at ease. Are you using a bassinet in the bedroom or are you just using the crib? If you don't have a bassinet you might try a laundry basket. Use your mother's intuition... does it seems like a feeding problem or that she's just needy? Could be either.
As grandma, I can't stand the idea of letting her cry! A 12 day old baby can't be spoiled- they need comforted!
I find this website interesting: babyzone.com
You can search any topic.
I wonder if she likes sleeping on her tummy on your chest if she has gas or colic??
It must feel better than on her back if she wakes up when you lie her down?
I hope she sleeps better for you very soon!!
Gma Joan
Can't spoil a newborn. She just needs you. I slept with all three kids for the first 3weeks in my arms on the couch. And all kids slept for quite awhile in their car seat in the crib. It just takes time, don't battle yet:)
Oh, it's TOTALLY normal. You aren't doing anything wrong. She just loves you that much. Emjoy the cuddle time (or try too).
This is perfectly normal, Emily. Newborns are so used to being close to mom's heart (in the cozy-warm womb)...they just want to be close again. It's tough being so new to the world and newborns thrive on warmth and touch ... I believe it's as basic a need as food and a clean diaper. The moms here are right, you simply can't spoil a newborn. Both my children were this exact same way. The time will come when you will want to teach her to sleep by herself, but I think the best approach right now is to hold her and save that for when she's older. Some newborns may take to their cribs right away, but I think the majority don't. I know you may not want to co-sleep, but that was really what helped us survive (and rest). This is very hard, but it will get better. Instead of battling, my best advice in these early weeks is "surrender to motherhood." Hugs, kathryn (writermom)
Try letting her sleep in the carseat. It worked for us.
The answer to all your problems:
http://www.breastfeeding.com/reading_room/family_bed.html
So nobody wants to let her cry for 20 minutes!
They are all on gma's side!!
Yep, it sounds like Evy is a perfectly normal, perfectly gorgeous, perfectly infuriating newborn.
All I can say is, ease up on yourself as far as "the rules" or your expectations. Do what works for Evy, and what makes you feel good as a new parent.
I confess: Macy co-slept with us--sometimes in her Arm's Reach co-sleeper, and sometimes right next to me on the bed. When she was sleeping "solo," it was usually on her tummy. She wasn't comfortable sleeping in her regular crib until she was six months old.
You are doing exactly the right thing by asking for help and advice, and you are going to be fine. You are going to be exhausted, and you won't always know what to do, but you and Scott are going to be great parents. And yeah, it will get easier.
(HUG)
Jen
Parenting is a spectrum. Remind me to tell you the story sometime of the woman Leah and I met at the Co-Op who was still breastfeeding her four-year-old....
Em- Ah this all sounds so familiar. Just know that it happens to all of us. And you find yourself doing whatever it takes to just "survive" these first few months. I call it survivor mode. Do whatever to get the most amount of sleep for you and Evy. If it means sleeping with her, go for it. Try the swing, bouncy seat, swaddle tightly. doing the bicycle with her legs. It does get better and these are all normal feelings that you are having. Hang in there and know that your friends are here when you need that break to get away or just take a nap......
Sounds like you've gotten alot of advise already but I'm going to add to it any way. With Sophie I spent the first year (that's right, One year!) sleeping with her on my chest on the couch. She just needed the extra comfort of body warmth and heartbeat combo for either one of us to get any kind of sleep. We did try that 'cry it out' nonsense but in the end this it what worked for me. She eventually grew out of it and is now a healthy 5 year old. Myra is a complete opposite. She is perfectly content sleeping on her back in her bed in a seperate room from us and has been that way since we brought her home from the hospital.
I think you should do what you feel comfortable with and ask for help when you need it, don't let the crying and the trouble with brestfeeding bring you down. Remind yourself OUTLOUD that she's little for such a short while. Before you know it, your two day old is a two month old. Enjoy her baby smell and give her lots of kisses. You're doing a good job and she's going to be just fine. Sending you hugs of strength,
Lacey (Andrews wife)
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